Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
