Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
as a side note pls kill me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize