A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
