In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My ass is underappreciated
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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