So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
