my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
