Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
