it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
