Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
