I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
