wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
