Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
