I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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