You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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