She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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