apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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