I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
