I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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