I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
