I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
