i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
