it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
