Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
