i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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