This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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