I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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