You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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