i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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