What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
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You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
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Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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