So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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