you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
