I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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