My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
