i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
