Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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