When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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