She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There r osticjed everywhere
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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