there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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