A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
