Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
