youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
