tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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