Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
