Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
