he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
