my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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