well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
