I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
