Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
