Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
