I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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