Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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