Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
