All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
