put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
