Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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