So drunk its hurt
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
