He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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