I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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