just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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