nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
