So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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