Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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