How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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