we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
