I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
