There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
