dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I touched a dick in church today
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
