Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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