u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
